As I began to feel worse and worse, I knew I had to change some things in my life. It is hard to predict from one day to the next, how I will be feeling physically and emotionally. Beginning in January 2013, I had to start cutting hours at the AMVETS because I felt SO lousy most days. I would DRAG my butt out of bed, and get to work in the morning to at least do the book work, then stay as long as I could handle it. It is hard to wrap your head around going to work when you are so sick, but I felt I HAD to because no one else was there to do the work.
In February and March, I began to realize that I could not continue to work everyday, this is something that is very hard for me to come to terms with! We tend to create our “identity” according to our career, and now I again have to give up my career. It is easier this time than when I got fired a couple of years ago, this time it is MY decision. I have to do what is BEST for ME, whatever it takes to get better!
I started treatment the day after Valentine’s Day, and now I will fight with everything in me to beat this beast that is trying to take over my body! I have started a part-time job at Farm Bureau, and PRAY that I can manage working part-time. Even 2 -3 days a week is very hard for me now, I never know when or where the pain will hit. I am in pain, I am SO tired, I am SO emotional, (wow, I cry over EVERYTHING!), but I am SO determined to WIN! I am SO thankful to God for my family and friends who are here to support me. I am thankful for the precious moments when I “forget” how bad I feel, like when I am playing with my grandkids!
I need your prayers, I need your help. Wow, did I really just ask for help?? Who is this person that asks for help??!!? lol! That is one of the hardest things for me to do. That means admitting that I can’t do it myself.